First of all, where to go this weekend. We've decided on Valle Bravo. I'll tell you about when we return. Yes, that means I'll be away from the blogging for a few days. This weekend is a long weekend. I need it.
Another decision today was a Moca Frappe at our little coffee shop. I don't usually go for the blended sweet drinks, but today it was exactly what I was, strangely, needing. I like that they used Mexican chocolate with cinnamon and nuts. It gave it more personality and depth.
Our dinner choice was a tiny, family cosina specializing in chalupas. We got four for fifty cents, and they were amazing. Tiny fried tortillas with mashed potatoes, green salsa, lettuce, cheese and a little chicken. I also tried a sopa which I enjoyed. They served chicken legs too, but I'm not going to eat them. I have to draw the line somewhere. As we were waiting for one of the three plastic tables to open up some old Mexican ladies started talking to us in very fast Spanish. I think they asked where we were from, but we were too dazed to answer. One asked if I spoke Spanish and I said, "Muy pocito." I thought they said something about God, but then they used the words guapo and bonita. Mat stood with a confused look the whole time, until I finally told him that I think they're saying we're a cute couple. I love neiborhood food. An old man even came in with his own little tupperware container for chicken feet.
The choice that we're still debating, and I would like your input on, is the choice whether to stay here or not. The more we talk about it, the more find it difficult to see ourselves here after Christmas. Here's why. 1)My job is not that great. It's too much work and stress for no real purpose. 2)With the state of the peso, it does not make me much money at all. It's more than enough for living in Mexico, but not for sending money home for loan payments. Also, not enough for traveling. 3)I hate the pollution. It's depressing. It stinks. It's noisy. It's stressful. 4) I hate Walmart. It is all over the place here. 5) We're not at our best here. Yes, we might be able to overcome and see out the year, but what for? Is it helping me save for the future? Am I gaining valuable experience that I need for my career? Not really. It would be a lot of work for the sake of finishing a contract.
I want to stay because 1) I feel bad leaving my students in the middle of the year. Even though at the end of the day I cannot stand many of them, I actually really like them. 2) I like some of my co-workers too, and wouldn't mind spending more time with them. 3) Pride. I don't want to be a teacher who left. 4) I'd like to complete a whole year of teaching.
So there you have it. What do you think?
Friday, November 14, 2008
Choices
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8 comments:
Whoa. Tough decision! I think that staying would look better on your resume. I think leaving might be a huge emotional relief--which might outweigh the sense of failure. I think there's also the possibility that circumstances could change and make things clearer.
If you have a gut instinct on this one, I think you should go with it; maybe you already know the answer, but aren't ready to tell yourself. If you roll around one decision in your head, and it just feels better than the other, you should go with that one. If you don't yet, hopefully one will come.
I', afraid this isn't very helpful advice. But good luck!
I think you should stay the year but then come home. Oh my god, Ang, my heart absolutely leapt at the idea of you coming back because I just assumed it would be to Lincoln and I would adore that.
I think you should stay the year because of your students. I think it is important. They are important. You can show them what it is like to be real and good and beautiful and it sounds like they don't get to see that very often. I know you CAN stay--that you are brave and strong enough to, and that you have Mat to help you. I feel like if you are with Mat you will be okay.
One of my life rules is that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Sometimes it looks like selfishness, though. So if taking care of yourself means doing what YOU want and going home, then you should do that.
Where would "home" be? (I know Mat hates Lincoln...)
I can only speak from my own experience, but pride ended up being an awful, awful reason to stay in Cambodia, I ended up hurt, broken, bitter, but changed.
I'm not sure there is a right answer.
Follow your gut. Looking beyond tomorrow and in the long run,if you stay the rest of the year, would you be a better person for staying, or a better person for coming home?
The idea of being "the teacher who left" hit me hard. I know what that feels like.
If you come home, are you going to beat yourself up about it for the next few months, or feel like it was just what you needed to do and be happy with your decision?
I would say it depends on what you're leaving it to do. Do you have plans for what comes next, or is it just something that can make the loan payment?
That being said, I love quiting jobs.
I've always lived a "path of least resistance" sort of life, not a lot of comfort zone breaking. But this also comes because I've been comfortable in those places. None of this helps you though, because you're not comfortable, and your decision is one that has to be made with someone else, because the implications are on more than just you.
And fittingly my word verification is "nostall." The sooner you let the school know, if you are leaving, the better.
Angela,
My guess is you're not a quitter. You are a hard worker who stays until the end. I'm like that too and agonize over making decisions that might hurt others (in this case the kids). I am dealing with a similar situation right now.
BUT, as others have said, it is important to put yourself first sometimes. In college I had a job I hated. I quit. It was bad timing for my employer and clients, but it gave me freedom. Sometimes I think freedom trumps all.
Good luck,
April
You have a very intuitive spirit and if you follow that "gut feeling" or the peaceful sensation one gets when you know that it's just the right thing to do, you will make the right decision. Pray about it and listen closely, He'll help you make the right choice.
First, remember there is no 'right' or 'wrong' in your decision. Just two choices, both with pros and cons.
Second, we left Woja (marshall islands) half way through the year. Looking back I really regret that decision. Granted, I was sick and had a lot of issues there, but if I really dug down deep I could have stuck it out.
In the mean time enjoy those chalupas!
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